Sunday, December 30, 2007
I couldn't sleep well for the whole night.
Why is it that you just aren't able to know what I need, and what I want.
What's wrong with going out with friends regularly as long as I know how to arrange my time well in my studies and life. My studies is all you cared for, isn't it. Now, you even wanna control over my life.
I know sometimes I went too far by going out too frequently. But tomorrow is my very good friend's birthday celebration, which I can't afford to miss if I have the time to attend it. Yes, I know that friends will be separated one day in the future cos they have their own lives to lead, and I have mine too. Maybe after graduating from poly, I may not even see them again in the future.
That's why I wanna cherish the times together with them. Regardless good or bad, I always wanna be with them, sharing all the laughters and tears together. Fate brought this Milopeng Family together. Without them, I won't be what I am today, a person who knows there are some very good friends out there whom I'm able to confide in whenever I have any troubles, who are willing to listen to my complaints, and comfort me whenever I'm down.
The bond between the Milopeng Family is not one could describe, maybe not even myself. I only know that I would immediately breakdown should I be separated with them, for a long time. This two weeks break proved the closeness between us. It's just been a week plus or so, and I'm already missing them terribly.
It's just a simple birthday celebration. If such celebrations will affect my studies greatly, it will be because I didn't manage my time well for my studies. But I believe I'm managing it well, now and also in the future.
So, what do parents know about me, and the Milopeng Family? Nothing. Nothing at all.
Dad, where have all the trust you had in me gone to. Now you are the same as mum, no trust in my abilities to manage my time and take responsibility for my own actions. You even said things that hurt my heart completely. You know what? At that point of time I really wanna say 'I HATE YOU' right in front of you, but I don't have the courage, and I can't bring myself to do it.
I never know that you could say things that are even more hurtful than mum. Both of you always say that it's for my own good. But you don't even know what I wanted. If you really cared for me, you should give me the freedom that I wanted and I can make use of it to make my life a much more happier one. At home, parents are there for me. At outside, friends are my heart and soul. They made up a great part of my life and it's always a pleasure to be together with them. I struggled to hold back my tears, with much agony.
Frankly speaking, at first when I entered this poly, I told myself to keep a distance from my friends. But I can't do it. Such good friends don't deserve a cold treatment from me. I love them deep inside my heart, truly.
Sometimes, I really hoped that you can just give me my daily allowance and then let me go. Anyway, it's my life. I'd lead the way that I wanna it to be. You cared, but obviously in a wrong way. Otherwise I won't be quarreling with you every now and then. This is my life, not yours. Although it was you who gave me my life, but I'm a 17 year old guy already. I believe I'm matured enough to know how to handle my own stuffs in hand, rather than you restricting this and that.
If I were to be a father in the future, I would just want my kids to be well-taught and get acceptable grades. That's enough for me. Whether they want to hang out with friends is up to them. It's their life. Of course I will punish them if things get out of hand. I don't want them to suffer the restrictions that I went through till today.
Friends are the most important people in my life, apart from my family.
I cherish them dearly, I really do.
Tears just rolled down uncontrollably...
Feel the closeness between us.
To dad : You just can't seem to understand, at all.
11:10 AM
nothing shall foretell my return
